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“Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” — John 4:29
💭 A Moment I’ll Never Forget
There are moments in life that stay with you long after everyone else has forgotten them.
This is one of mine.
Years ago, I was recently divorced. I was doing everything I knew to do to hold my little family together. I was raising my children, working as my church’s secretary and trying to convince myself that I hadn’t completely failed at life.
🏠 The night my dress became part of Bible Study
One evening, the women at church gathered for their weekly Bible study.
I wasn’t there.
Not because I didn’t care about studying God’s Word, but because my children needed me that night. I chose homework, bedtime routines and being present over another meeting.
While I was home being a mom, my name came up.
Not because someone wanted to pray for me.
Not because they wondered how the newly divorced woman in the church was surviving.
Not because they asked whether my children were adjusting.
My dresses became the topic of conversation.
Someone thought they were too short.
Someone else decided that concern should be taken to the pastor.
😢 The Conversation That Broke Me
The next day, my pastor, who was also my boss, caught me in the parking lot.
He told me I needed to change the way I dressed. If I couldn’t afford longer dresses, he would be happy to buy me leggings. Then he told me why.
I remember trying to hold myself together and failing.
I burst into tears.
I don’t remember exactly what I said after that. But what I do remember was being hurt and angry. (And his telling me “don’t get mad at me” didn’t help.)
I also remember what I lost.
Trust.
Not in Jesus.
In the women sitting in that room.
At one of the loneliest moments of my life, when I desperately needed sisters to surround me, I became a discussion instead of a disciple.
Then I Think About Another Woman… 💧
👩🦱 The Woman at the Well
Every time I read John 4, I can’t help but wonder what the church ladies of her town thought about the woman at the well.
Five husbands. Living with a man who wasn’t her husband.
She came to draw water alone, maybe because she had learned that avoiding people hurt less than enduring their whispers.
If anyone had earned a reputation, it was her. Yet when Jesus met her, He didn’t begin with shame. He began with conversation.
He offered living water before He addressed her brokenness.
He told the truth without stripping away her dignity.
He corrected her without humiliating her.
He saw every chapter of her story and still chose to reveal Himself to her as the Messiah.
🙌 Who Jesus Chose
That’s right…the first person in John’s Gospel to that Jesus plainly revealed His identity wasn’t a religious leader.
It wasn’t a pastor.
It wasn’t one of His disciples.
It was a Samaritan woman carrying the weight of a complicated past.
Jesus saw what everyone else saw. He just refused to love her any less because of it.
🏷️ Labels We Throw Around
Somewhere along the way, “Jezebel” became one of the easiest labels to throw at women.
- The confident businesswoman.
- The divorced woman working through a new future.
- The woman whose outfit makes us uncomfortable.
- The woman who smiled at someone or was “too nice.”
- The woman who questions leadership.
- The woman who disagrees with a man during a meeting.
- The daughter/sister-in-law who stands beside her husband as they make decisions for their own family.
The biblical Jezebel wasn’t condemned because she was outspoken or because someone disapproved of her wardrobe.
She was judged because she promoted idolatry, manipulated others, abused authority, opposed God’s prophets and refused to repent.
Those are heart issues.
Not hemline issues.
(Read the story of Jezebel, Ahab and Elisha in 2 Kings 10-21. She did not lead a good life and died an equally bad death. )
Jesus Had Stronger Words for the Religious ⚖️
⚠️ A Warning for Us
It’s striking to me that Jesus reserved some of His harshest rebukes for religious people.
He warned against hypocrisy. (Matthew 23)
Against gossip. (Luke 12:3)
Against judging by appearances. (John 7:24)
Against loading burdens onto others that we ourselves refuse to carry. (Luke 11:46)
Meanwhile, Paul wrote:
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.” (Galatians 6:1)
Restore.
Not embarrass.
Not speculate.
Not whisper.
James reminds us that “mercy triumphs over judgment.” (James 2:13)
💔 Why It Matters
How many women have quietly walked away from church because not because they were afraid of God, but were afraid of His people? Their judgment, condemnation and gossip. How many broken, hurting, lost, and sad women have we sent away because their dress was too short, or we couldn’t get past the speck in their eye?
What If… 🤔
💡 One Voice Could Change Everything
I still wonder sometimes.
What if one woman had interrupted that conversation?
“What if we prayed for her?”
“What if we checked on her kids?”
“What if she’s barely holding it together?”
“What if she needs encouragement instead of criticism?”
One voice of compassion could have changed the entire story.
Carpool Chaos Reflection 🪞
❤️ Who I Want to Be
The older I get, the less interested I am in being the woman with the sharpest discernment about everyone else’s flaws.
I want to be the woman who notices who’s sitting alone.
Who sends the text.
Who drops off dinner.
Who chooses private conversations over public criticism.
Who remembers that every woman walking through the church doors is carrying a story I may know nothing about.
✝️ What Jesus Asked of Us
Because Jesus never asked us to become experts in identifying others flaws.
He asked us to become known by our love.
❓ A Question to Carry
Maybe before we talk about another woman’s dress, divorce, personality or reputation, we should ask ourselves one simple question:
Would I have treated the woman at the well the way Jesus did… or the way everyone else did?
Scripture to Carry 📖
John 4:7-30 — Jesus meets the woman at the well.
Galatians 6:1 — Restore one another gently.
James 2:13 — Mercy triumphs over judgment.
John 13:35 — “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Matthew 7:16 — “You will recognize them by their fruit.”
Guided Prayer 🙏
Father,
Forgive me for the times I’ve been quicker to judge than to love.
Help me see people the way Jesus sees them. Give me eyes that notice hurting hearts before I notice outward appearances. Guard my mouth from gossip, my heart from pride and my spirit from comparison.
Heal the women who have been wounded by my own words in your Church. Restore what criticism has broken and remind them that their identity is found in You, not in someone else’s opinion.
Make me the kind of woman who protects the vulnerable, speaks life over others and points people toward Christ instead of myself.
Teach me to be known for mercy.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
This Week’s Carpool Challenge 🚗✨
✅ Before Next Sunday…
• Reach out to one woman who has been sitting alone.
• Pray for someone you have been tempted to criticize.
• Refuse to participate in a conversation about someone who isn’t present.
• If you have hurt another woman with your words, apologize.
• Ask yourself throughout the week: “Am I helping someone draw closer to Jesus, or am I making them afraid to come to His well?”
💛 Grace always has room for one more chair at the table.
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